Relationships – (dys)functional?



There are so many ways people can relate to each other: As friends, colleagues, family members, lovers, partners, exes, acquaintances…

Some human beings simply enjoy each other’s company – for whatever reason. Other individuals depend on each other – in good or bad ways. And a few people are simply used to each other’s company and keep it this way – no matter what.

In all those mentioned relations, there is the possibility of being unhappy. And for those, who are unhappy and don’t want to stay this way, it means change is due. It could mean they’d have to be on their own for a while – scary as hell one may think. But is it? Really??

I think here we are at the core of the problem: loneliness. Or more concrete: The fear of being lonely. We all know this fear, since we are social beings and not meant to be on our own on the long run. Though being on our own for a while can actually be a good thing. Fact is, the thought of being or feeling lonely influences our behaviour when it comes to relationships.

We all, more or less, act in our relationships upon this fear - to avoid loneliness. We do this unconsciously - every day. It shows in simple things, like when a friend asks your opinion on something and you lie, consciously, to make him or her feel better and, unconsciously, out of fear of hurting and losing someone you love!

We all handle it differently:

- Some have a ton of friends to keep them company, so they would never feel alone, because they simply aren’t - at least on the outside.

- Others do God- knows-what kind of sports or hobbies to divert and free their minds of anything that isn’t welcome thinking about – like loneliness.

- A few even think it’s best to not have relationships at all, because there is always the chance of getting hurt. – A life worth living?

- There are people, who make work their centre of life and that’s the only thing they do and see, because looking somewhere else would hurt – they might look into a void.

And some may have made a routine of drowning out the all too audible silence by constantly playing music, watching TV or video games to fake company. They don’t even realize they’re lonely.

Half of the people, who see themselves doing one of the things mentioned above may be happy, because it really works for them and they feel fulfilled, but what about the other half? What if they find out that what they’re doing is simply a coping mechanism?!


No one likes to be constantly alone but the fact is: We have a choice. We even have the choice to be alone. And that is actually something we all definitely need, too! Only then do we get the chance to reevaluate our lives/wishes and needs. We don’t need to be alone constantly but sometimes that’s exactly what it takes to find our true selves again and to be able to be with someone else, eventually.


Why am I telling you all of this?

I’m trying to make you aware of things in your life, maybe old habits and routines, which may need your awareness and time to ponder on. I'm telling you this, because I want you to reflect and figure out, whether this is the life you want and you choose.

We all should ask ourselves every now and then, if the way we live our life, is still the one we’re happy with and willing to go and even jump along, because we love it so much. If you feel like you’re not your happy, loving, living, charming human self anymore, then maybe your relationships need to be in question. The relationship you have with yourself and the ones you have with others.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a family member a friend or a lover you’re thinking about right now: We need space and time to breath - just as much as we need company. The key is to find your balance with both. To figure out what you need and when you need it, to communicate and act on it. Only this way you can have a happy relationship with yourself and others.

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  Caroline Pitz | Heilpraktikerin für Psychotherapie  

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