…and the world would truly be a much better place!
So many people suffer from being judged, misunderstood and mistreated by others. Enduring this on a daily basis or over a long period of time can lead to severe consequences. How on earth did we get there?
First I’d like to point out the fact that there’s a huge difference between letting off steam in telling a friend, family member or colleague what bothers them and what kind of attitude or behaviour they don’t appreciate in others as opposed to circulating rumours or taking statements for facts which one only knows from hearsay and spread them to deliberately harm someone.
To slander or even defame someone, when one doesn’t know half the truth about a person, seems to be a kind of sport for some. Why is that, I wonder? I don’t believe it genuinely makes another person feel better to badmouth someone else. So, why the hassle?
From a psychological point of view most people gossip to feel better about themselves by getting agreement from others or feel somehow better about their own flaws or frustrations in life. It might seem to boost their ego for a minute. And here we are. It’s just that: an urge to compensate and a need to feel better about themselves. – And it only lasts a moment. It follows the rule: as long as I talk badly about somebody else, their life won’t be better than mine. I call that envy.
And here we are at the root of the matter. Where did we learn to be envious instead of delighted for somebody else? Why don’t we just accept the fact that, for example, someone’s hair is green/red/purple, or he or she got tattoos all over their body, that they got promoted or a compliment, that they wear a shirt with a unicorn or a skull on it, that they live the life they want to live and have got the right to live as they see fit.
I think people don’t even know what they’re doing to themselves while they’re at it – judging away. They’re not just NOT feeling better in the end, they also might come to regret what’s been said, when they eventually come to realise no one trusts them anymore. We tend to believe that a person owns the character traits, which he/she attributes to others, especially the ones we slander about.Think about that for a minute!
The more we talk about others, the more it shows our inner weaknesses and low self-esteem. Usually, bad comments about someone else reflect your own felt pain and restlessness/agitation. Just know: gossiping ruins your own reputation (and most people care a great deal about what others think of them), fills yourself with negativity and drains your energy. Is that really what you want? Is this WHO you want to be?
We need to get down to the root of the trouble and be aware of our own actions. Next time we’re about to say something negative, mean or hurtful about someone else, we should just take a deep breath and instead show a little love and compassion. A little more kindness and a little less judgment. It ain’t that hard.
And in case you’re bad at small talk or proper conversation and you need something to talk about – maybe you simply start by talking about your own issues instead. (It’s definitely more helpful than inventing and creating some for others.) And it might even make you more likable than pretending to be a cut above somebody else. None of us is perfect or flawless and it won't kill us to admit it.
Caroline